It would have a pro-wrestler or ex-American football player in the lead
“Have a go ofSons Of The Forest,” my compatriots at RPS told me. “It’s a great newsurvivalgame, with cannibals who live on an island!” And I was like, “wait, so until you turned up to they just eat each other? How do they have a sustainable population? What’s going on here?”
The main character is there with his squad, one of whom is gurning at you in an openly unsettling way, and will clearly be the comic relief for the rest of the film - and he is! It’s your buddy Kelvin, who is the only other survivor of the crash and, having been deafened, obeys your aggressively written notes to shamble about building whatever. Imagine how many yuks this would be played for in the movie. Also, there would be a scene where the cannibals manage to track the survivors because Kevin dropped one of the notes. Classic Kelvin.
The insta-crash, leading to waking up on a beach and discovering the bodies of your be-piked comrades? Opening your survival kit on the ground? Walking down a path and suddenly seeing a cannibal, who runs away into the trees - before you’re ambushed later and have to try to beat the fucker to death with a rock? Those are all shitty action movie beats! There’s even a woman in a swimsuit with constantly visible nipples.
In short, no, I have not been playing a lot of Sons Of The Forest very seriously, because I built a floor and then couldn’t put my tent on it, which made me cross. However, I would very much like someone to make the movie version, because I would like to watch it a lot.
